A toast to birthdays
by The Jolly Gnu
Summary: The Doctor celebrates his birthday. Is there that much difference between forty four and two thousand, to a time lord?


44 YEARS OF DOCTOR WHO!!!!!!! Forty four whole years! Wonderful! Absolute genius! The greatest thing in the multiverse, and I'm honoured to have shared it with you, my friends. I don't own doctor who. I don't own the TARDIS. I deny everything. He was dead when I arrived, guv'nor...

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Respectfully dedicated to Verity Lambert.

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The Doctor flopped back into his comfy chair, easing his aching back. He was getting too old for all this larking about Time and Space. Running his hands through his greying hair, he started to doze. Suddenly he jerked up. What was that? Something, somewhere in the infinite depths of his fabulous machine was making an unwanted noise. Angrily, he got up, and started marching to the Library door. He poked his head out into the corridor, furious at this interruption. It seemed to be coming from along the corridor, down the stairs, up the lift shaft and through the tertiary console room. He still had his hearing, at least.

He puffed and panted his way to the console room. Skirting around the huge operations console and ducking under the huge pendulum, he finally found the source of the disturbance. It appeared to be an aging alarm clock. How long had that been there? He picked it up. A tiny hatch opened in the clock. A miniature flag popped out, and unfolded into a fifty foot high banner, which read "Happy Birthday!"

The Thirteenth Doctor gasped in joy. It was his birthday! He had forgotten! And best of all, he had anticipated this, and reminded himself!

But then he sighed in weariness. It was no fun celebrating your two thousandth birthday on your own. If only he had somebody, anybody, to-

"Master?"

"K-NINE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" The Doctor screamed, leaping down to hug the metal mutt, and banging his head on K-9's body. He smiled, despite his discomfort. "How long have you been rattling about the TARDIS?"

"TARDIS time 838 years, 3 months, two days, seven hours-"

"I'm sorry I asked."

"-approximately." K-9 finished. "I see you have been using your regenerations more sparingly- you have regenerated only twice since we last met."

"Yep." Breathed the Doctor. "My final body. I'm not getting any younger." Suddenly the console beeped, then exploded. "That was unusual."

"The console frequently beeps, master."

"I didn't mean the beepi- look, why haven't I seen you in eight and a half centuries?"

"I have been busy, Master."

"BUSY? Doing what?" Suddenly, the Doctor's question was answered for him, as five miniature K9s rounded the corner. "Masterfather!" They chirped as they saw the original K9.

"What?!?!?" Yelled the Doctor. "HOW!?!?!"

"The master wishes me to explain the reproductive cycle?" K9 offered.

"That WON'T be necessary." The doctor replied firmly.

Then Jamie ran into the room.

"AAAARGH!!!" yelled the Thirteenth Doctor.

"What? Oh, ye mean the kilt."

"Very... short, isn't it?"

"Aye, well, young Tegan said we had to wear our coolest clothes." Jamie informed him.

"She didn't mean cool as in- TEGAN?!?!? TEGAN'S here?"

"Aye, with yon Brigadier, Susan, Nyssa, the fair Ace, Jenny, Harry, and Rose."

"GORDON BENNETT!!"

"I know. Whatever Possessed ye to travel with some street urchin?"

"She's not an urchin, she's a chav. But hooray! My friends all gathered together for my birthday! Let's go and join them!" The Doctor hooted.

"Ok!" yelled Jamie. "To the village square!" He pelted down the corridor, his kilt flapping around his waist; the Doctor followed with his eyes tightly shut.

They arrived at the village square near the centre of the TARDIS. The residents of the village cheered and applauded the Doctor as he walked up the high street. All of his companions had arrived by now; Susan was drinking rum and coke with Jo and Sarah; Steven was having a fencing match with Ian while Mickey and Harry were matching fences. Adric, Nyssa and Kamelion were performing simple seven dimensional mathematics, while Rose was winning a chip eating contest, which Jamie hurriedly joined. Turlough, Mel and Jason were discussing the place of Ginger hair in twenty second century society, and Ace was bashing Jack's brains out for indecent behaviour. Romana and Peri were talking together, but as soon as she saw the Doctor striding up the street, Romana ran up to him and kissed him.

"Happy Birthday." she whispered.

Suddenly, the villagers shrieked as a TARDIS landed on top of the Bakery. The door opened and the master stepped out and straight off the roof. He landed in a crumpled heap in the square. He immediately leaped up and pointed it at Leela.

"My tribe leader warned me about strange men who point their equipment at young girls." She told him warily.

"I warn you, Doctor," The Master shouted. "Give me the dimensional time disruptor now or I'll burn this village to the ground!"

"Oh, shut up and have some cake." The Doctor said cheerfully.

"Oh, all right." The Master grumbled. "But only for old times sakes."

"So how did you get here?" The Doctor asked Martha.

"Oh, the Rani gave us all a lift."

"Oh, ri- THE RANI?!?!?!?" The Rani stepped out of the Butchers' shop, drawing her gun.

"Prepare to die, Doctor!" she screamed.

"WHAT?!?" Bellowed the Doctor. "I'll blast you to INFINITY!" The Rani slipped on a bar of gold, fell into the fountain, slipped into the eye of harmony and disappeared in a puff pastry. Everyone cheered.

Then some Daleks arrived.

"YAY, DALEKS!!!" screamed Rose, but the Doctor put out a warning hand.

"Be careful, Rose! Not all Daleks are partially humanised and thus very undaleky! Only, erm... all the Daleks I ever met in my ninth and tenth incarnations..." He faltered, realising this sounded pathetic.

"DOC-TOR!" The Daleks grated. "WE- BRING- MISS-IVES FROM DAV-ROS! HE AP-OL-OGIS-ES FOR NOT BE-ING HERE, BUT HE HAD MORE PRESS-ING EN-GAGE-MENTS!"

The Doctor smiled. "Let's see these missives, then."

Two scantily clad women stepped out of the candlestick makers shop.

"THESE ARE MISS JOAN IVE AND MISS KATY IVE." the Dalek informed him.

"I'll look after them." Said Captain Jack eagerly, and hurried off to do what he did best.

The Doctor looked round at his best friends: Susan; Ian; Barbara; Vicki; Steven; Dodo; Ben; Polly; Jamie; Victoria; Zoë; Liz; The Brigadier; Mike Yates; Benton; Jo; Sarah Jane; Harry; Leela; Romana; K-9; Adric; Nyssa; Tegan; Turlough; Kamelion; Peri; Mel; Ace; Rose; Jack; Mickey; Martha; Roberta; Jason; Jenny; the Master and many, many more. He had never felt happier. He had never felt younger.

"I feel like a drink." He announced, to general cheering. "What's everyone having?"

"Five rounds rapid!" The Brigadier ordered...

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My tiny contribution to the greatest story ever told... 


End file.
